Quotes Funny (1257 Designs)

Sometimes I sit quietly & wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... Maybe I am.

Some of y’all come from the “If you’ll quit crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the “If you don’t quit crying, I’ll give you something to cry about” generation.

Two things I can’t stand:

I may be old but I still remember when to say please and thank you.

It was a lot more fun being 20 in the 70s than it is being 70 in the 20s.

Be careful who you vent to. A listening ear can also be a running mouth.

Growing old is hard work... The mind says “yes” but the body says “What the hell are you thinking?”

Back in my day, I played outside, not online. Parents called my name, not my cell phone. And if I didn’t eat what mom cooked, I didn’t eat. I know I’m old.

Men lie so much. I’m starting to believe that Adam bit the apple, blamed it on Eve. That’s why the Adam’s apple is stuck in their throat.

Maybe I was raised wrong, but I was taught if you wanted something, you work for it.

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

My husband thinks I’m crazy, but I’m not the one who married me.

I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

If we switched back to cursive and stick shift vehicles, we could cripple an entire generation.

Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery .

I don’t care how old I get. If I’m in a and see a toy with “try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

Back in my day kids didn’t talk back to their parents because they had a mom with a wooden spoon and a dad that wore a belt.

There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.

Heaven is my home. I’m just here recruiting.

Ever since i was a small child i wanted to be indoors on a computer

my cute uncle is single (wanna be my new aunt?)

i may look calm but in my head i’ve punched you in the face 3 times.

moist because at least one person you know hates this word.

maybe your cat is meowing because it wants a cigarette

first in my bloodline to read this much gay fanfiction

sorry for what i said yesterday i had two white monsters and i let it create a third

if we are in a don’t laugh situation do not look over at me

work made us coworkers but our potty mouths & inappropriate conversations made us friends

“who’s your hardest kid?” my mother in law’s kid

I asked god for an angel he sent me my smartass daughter

You can’t scare me i have a crazy bestie who happens to cuss a lot she has anger issues & a serious dislike for stupid people mess with me she will slap you so hard even google won’t be able to find you

I never dreamed i’d grow up to be a spoiled wife of a grumpy old husband but here i am, killin’ it

The dumbest thing you can possibly do is piss off my mom she will open the gates of hell & escort your ass right on in & she will do it with a smile on her face

If you mess with the big sister then there is always a younger crazier sister behind her that you don’t wanna mess with

Behind every crazy wife is a husband who made her that way