Quotes Funny (1222 Designs)

Some of you came from the “If you stop crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the generation “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.” We are not the same.

Back in my day, I played outside, not online. Parents called my name, not my cell phone. And if I didn’t eat what Mom cooked, I didn’t eat. I know I’m old.

Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery .

Sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you knew.

Growing old is hard work... The mind says “Yes” but the body says “What the hell are you thinking?”

Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m freaking stupid.

Studies have found that women who are a little out of shape live longer than the men who mention it.

I’ve been called rebellious, wrong, a black sheep, different... because I refuse to be what everyone else is. I stand by my beliefs.

Just because I said I know how to behave doesn’t mean I’m going to.

There is no such thing as a cranky old lady. The truth is once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

Behind every granddaughter who believes in herself is a great grandma who believed in her first.

Still the most magical day of my life was the day I became a mom and a grandma.

I don’t care how old I get. If I’m in a and see a toy with “Try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

Back in my day, kids didn’t talk back to their parents because they had a mom with a wooden spoon and a dad that wore a belt.

If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self employed. We’re having a staff meeting.

I was taught to think before I act. So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured, I’ve thought about it and am confident in my decision.

I’m not clumsy. Just the floor hates me, the table & chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

When I’m feeling down and someone says “Suck it up,” I get the urge to break their legs and say “Walk it off.”

Short girls look so sweet & cute until you piss us off. Then we are like a chipmunk with rabies.

I’m a cranky short woman. Don’t test me. I will put you in the trunk and help people look for you.

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that’s trying to keep everyone & everything together... Her family is her everything.

Some of you came from the “If you stop crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the generation “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.”

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

I’m not old. I woke up. I lifted my arms. I moved my knees. I turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: Crrr aaacckkk! I came to a conclusion: I’m not old, I’m crispy.

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

When Mom says “no,” ask Grandma. When Grandma says “no,” call in the boss. That’s right... Great Grandma. Great Grandma’s rule.

This woman has fought a thousand battles and is still standing, has cried a thousand tears and is still smiling, has been broken & betrayed but still walks proud.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kinda caught me off guard.

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that’s trying to keep everyone & everything together... Her family is her everything.

I want to be so full of Christ that if a mosquito bites me it flies away singing “There is power in the blood!”

Having a vagina doesn’t stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

Don’t tell me I haven’t got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest & I can guarantee they’re a lot bigger than yours.

I’m not short. I’m just compact and ridiculously adorable.

Warning: My wife is an asshole, so if you don’t want your feelings hurt, walk away!

I’m a little smart ass, short and stout. Here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up, I will shout... Piss me off and I’ll cuss you out!