Funny Sayings (949)

Full Tank Open Road and Nowhere I Have To Be

I Can Wait Five Hours for one fish But Not Five Minutes At The Mall

Reheated My Coffee Four Times and still Drank It Cold

Got Called "Mom" three times today And Answered Every Time

Dear Four-Wheelers my blind spot is Bigger Than Your Patience

Home For Two Days and my dog Still Remembers Me

3 AM my cat's favorite time to Run Laps Across My Bed

My Cat's Favorite Show is Birds Live From The Window

My Dog's Ball rolled under The Couch Now It's My Problem

Twelve Years of chasing Squirrels Zero Caught Still Hopeful

The Last Dinner Roll has been sitting there For An Hour Nobody's Brave Enough

He Doesn't Need Directions he's just taking The Scenic Route Again

Spent Twenty Minutes looking for the remote He Was Sitting On It

One Wave on the highway and A Stranger Becomes Family

My Lucky Fishing Hat has never been Washed And Never Will Be

The Moment a nurse sits down Every Call Light Goes Off At Once

My Scrub Pockets Hold Six Pens tape, snacks and Somebody Else's Scissors

Fourteen Markers on my desk and Thirteen Are Dried Out

I Know A Radio Station in every state and A Diner In Every Town

One Look At That Guilty Face and I know Somebody Found The Trash

Just Mopped The Floor my dog took that As An Invitation

The Bowl Is Full but the middle is visible So Apparently We're Starving

Cat On My Lap so I guess I Live Here Now Someone Bring Snacks

I Don't Fill A Plate I Build One layer by layer with Gravy As The Cement

This Fruitcake has been passed around Since 1998 Nobody Has Opened It

Hold My Ladder is how my husband starts Every Single Bad Idea

My Husband Kicks The Tires like they're going to Tell Him Something

I Spend More Time Polishing Chrome than I spend Talking To People

My Cooler Is Packed with sandwiches, ice and Pure Hope The Fish Are Optional

Nurse Poker Face trust me I've heard Way Worse Before Breakfast

Touch My Stapler and you'll be joining The Kids In Time Out

Lunch Duty Survivor one hundred eighty days of Flying Tater Tots

I Always Sit Closest To The Kitchen it's not rude It's Strategy

Nothing Scares Me except an Open Weigh Station When I'm Running Late

Pumpkin Or Pecan? I'm a grown adult So Obviously I'm Having Both

Official Backseat Driver head out the window and Ears In The Wind