Quotes Funny (1291 Designs)

Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

They say, life is too short to hold grudges. I say, life is too long to be letting people get away with the same bullcrap.

When I was a kid there were two ways to die: natural causes and talking back to your parents

Studies have found that women who are a little out of shape live longer than the men who mention it.

Someone just called me normal. I have never been so insulted in my entire life.

Still the most magical day of my life was the day I became a mom and a grandma.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

This woman has fought a thousand battles and is still standing. Has cried a thousand tears and is still smiling.

Has my mouth gotten me in trouble? Yup. Has it pushed some people away? Yup. Am I going to stop speaking my mind

My parents spanked me as a child as a result I now suffer from a psychological condition known as respect for others.

I’ve been called rebellious, wrong, a black sheep. Different... because I refuse to be what everyone else is. I stand by my beliefs.

Sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid I thought you knew.

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy person overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

When I was young I pitied the old now old it is the young I pity.

I wonder why we are so obsessed with finding intelligent life on other planets when we can’t even find intelligent life on this planet.

I live in a world where the intelligent must keep quiet so that the stupid will not be offended.

You call it OCD I call it put the freaking thing back where it belongs.

Be strong but not rude. Be kind but not weak. Be humble but not shy. Be proud but not arrogant.

I don’t care how old I get if I’m in a and see a toy with “try me” on it I’m pushing those buttons.

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that’s trying to keep everyone & everything together... Her family is her everything.

Sometimes you have to flip out & go bat crap crazy to make a freaking point.

I’d rather spend time with a rough around the edges sinner than a well-polished hypocrite.

Short girls look so sweet & cute until you piss us off then we are like a chipmunk with rabies.

I think way too many people have been drinking from the fountain of stupidity.

After gossiping about me please pray for me I want to be perfect like you.

I hate it when people can’t see the wrong in their actions but see the wrong in mine.

Don’t piss me off I’m a cranky old woman I do what I want when I want where I want your approval is not required.

I love it when people think they’re going to punish me by not talking to me.

I’m so glad I had a childhood before technology took over.

No I haven’t met Mr. Right but I have met Mr Liar, Mr Players, Mr Psycho and Mr Douchebag.

Blood stains are red, ultraviolet lights are blue, I watch enough murder show they’ll never find you.

Saying what you feel it’s not being rude it’s called being real.

I’m a cranky short woman don’t test me I will put you in the trunk and help people look for you

Short chubby girl problem #24: when the sun visor doesn’t even help when you’re driving