Quotes Funny (1307 Designs)

If I could go back in time I would leave some people right where I found them

I’m on my second guardian angel my first one quit and is now in therapy

I don’t have a short temper I just have a quick reaction to stupid people

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone

I hate that moment when I’m tired... and sleepy... but as soon as I go to bed my body is like just kidding!

Skilled workers are hard to find that’s why morons are promoted to management

Maybe I was raised wrong but I was taught if you wanted something you work for it

Skilled workers are hard to find that’s why idiots are promoted to management

By age 50 you should have:

I’m a cranky woman chubby and stout here is my finger here is my mouth when I get all worked up I will shout... piss me off and I’ll cuss you out

It’s funny how you’re nice to my face it’s hilarious how you talk crap behind my back and it’s downright comical that you think I’m unaware

Growing old is hard work... the mind says “yes” but the body says “What the hell are you thinking”

Be careful who you vent to a listening ear can also be a running mouth

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that’s trying to keep everyone & everything together... her family is her everything

I may be old but I still remember when to say please and thank you

I used to think our parents were so strict but watching these kids today I think our parents save our lives

Better worry about your own sins because God ain’t gonna ask you about mine

One thing I hate more than a liar, is a liar that thinks I’m freaking stupid.

Some of y’all come from the “If you’ll quit crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the “If you don’t quit crying, I’ll give you something to cry about” generation.

Two things I can’t stand:

Sometimes I sit quietly and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

Back in my day I played outside, not online. Parents called my name, not my cell phone. And if I didn’t eat what mom cooked, I didn’t eat. I know I’m old.

Men lie so much I’m starting to believe that Adam bit the apple, blamed it on Eve. That’s why the Adam’s apple is stuck in their throat.

Maybe I was raised wrong, but I was taught if you wanted something, you work for it.

Sometimes I sit quietly... and wonder why I’m not in a mental asylum. Then I take a good look around at everyone and realize... maybe I am.

I don’t care how old I get. If I’m in a and see a toy with “try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery .

I’m not clumsy. The floor just hates me. The table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.

Back in my day kids didn’t talk back to their parents because they had a mom with a wooden spoon and a dad that wore a belt.

Some people need to open their small minds instead of their big mouths.

Skilled workers are hard to find that's why idiots are promoted to management

As i have grown older i've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake

I'm not old i can still remember my childhood phone number but can't remember the password i created yesterday

I would like to apologize to anyone i have not yet offended please be patient i will get to you shortly

Sometimes i gotta feed people some bullcrap just to see who they run back and tell

I am who i am like me, love me take me, leave me know that i'm a true friend to the end and ask for nothing in return except two things: don't hurt or use me